Scrubs is a hilarious show...it's the episode...MY MUSICAL!

My favorite character? The Narcistic, Pessimistic docter, PERRY COX~! I shall push Jordan off a cliff if I must to get him for my self. ~hehehe~

Quotes:

Dr. Cox: Boy oh boy, does it look like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy! And trust me, he'll make ya pay.
Dr. Clock: Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I'll bet he's a sweetheart.
Dr. Cox: No no, underneath it all, he is pure evil.
Dr. Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil! I mean, yes, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.
Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people, here, on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and on the inside!
Dr. Clock: So they'd have more of a nougaty center?
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Dr. Clock: [rubbing Dr. Cox's stomach and speaking in a sing-song voice] I'm touching your creamy center!

[Dr. Cox and the pregnant Jordan are walking through towards a Nurses' Station]
Dr. Cox: Yes, hello? Could we please get my hormonal, extremely annoying

 ex-wife's amnio underway?
Jordan: Wow, I can't wait to write that down in the baby journal. Could you be a bigger ass right now?
Dr. Cox: Could you *have* a bigger ass right now?

Dr. Cox looks up towards the ceiling]
Dr. Cox: Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya? I'm onto you, Big Man.

Dr. Kelso: Uhh, Perry, I just spoke to my cardiologist and he said if you hadn't discovered my high blood pressure, it may have resulted in my case of, um, death.
Dr. Cox: Huh?
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, I owe you one.
Dr. Cox: [voice-over] MUST RESIST URGE TO RUB IT IN HIS FACE... MUST RUB SOMETHING IN SOMEONE'S FACE.
[turns to an unconscious patient]
Dr. Cox: So how's that coma going for ya there?
[voiceover]
Dr. Cox: ahhh much better!

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, did you get my memo stating that residents should wear their lab coats at all times?
Dr. Cox: Yes I did. At first I just threw it away, but then I thought, that's not grand enough a gesture; so I made a model of you out of straw, put my lab coat on it - with your memo in the pocket - and invited the neighborhood kids to set fire to it and beat it with sticks.

Dr. Cox: Turn around.
[Turk does turn around, and the two look into the observation window of a patient in the I.C.U. The family is gathered around the bed as Dr. Wen speaks to them]
Dr. Cox: You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong, and that patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry - and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room's going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves; that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun. We do it so we can get by. And... sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing.

[to J.D., after he asks for help]
Dr. Cox: Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber (in a sing-song voice)Thiessen. I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's Perspective. 1. If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, i should be allowed to kill him. 2. I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left, and it would be called Bring Back The Porn. 3rd, and most important, to be respected as a doctor, nay a man, you must me an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, (looks over and speaks to a cadaver rolling by) isn't that right spike? My point is, and you may want to jot this down... only the weak need help.
J.D.: I should have that tattoed on my neck.

Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something.
J.D.: Hey there, research buddy!
Dr. Cox: We're only four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision.
J.D.: [hits a bell] Things Jordan says during sex!
[drops giant stack of carefully sorted files]
J.D.: ... there's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone.
Dr. Cox: [hits a bell] Things you say when you talk to your patients.

Dr. Cox: [explaining he doesn't care it's JD's last week of residency] I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!
[turns away, then turns back]
Dr. Cox: Oh, and Hugh Jackman.
J.D.: Hugh Jackman is Wolverine! How dare he!

Dr. Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr. Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr. Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr. Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]
Janitor: He's near...

Dr. Cox: [while JD is coming up behind Dr. Cox] Oh, I am so very angry that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays]

[JD and Turk are walking outside the hospital when a computer falls from the building and lands in front of them; Dr. Cox is sticking his body out a high story window]
Dr. Cox: Sorry, girls, I seemed to have dropped my computer... meh-ya.